I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
