You can't motorboat a personality
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
