i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
