i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
