The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Even my vagina gasped.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
