but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
