Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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