If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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