it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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