a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The adults are the big ones right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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