Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
