i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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