Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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