I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
