Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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