Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
