I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
