Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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