Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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