Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
