i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
