I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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