Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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