The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
