sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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