He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
