The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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