New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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