if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
