Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
