evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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