I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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