do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
