Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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