i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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