Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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