No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i dont even know how to be here
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
