I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
