Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
