She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
