i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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