You really coming over, don't trick.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
