Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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