I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
