I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
