I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
