In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
