no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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