The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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