So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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