Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
